ABC Wednesday, M for Mum

Next week's post is scheduled, but I'll probably not be able to enter ABC Wednesday, as I will have a short break. And if there are any comments I am happy to answer them after 19th April.

Why God made Mums -- Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following
questions
Why did God make mothers?

1. She's the only one who knows where the sticky tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring
3. God made my Mum just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother & not some other Mum?
1. We're related
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mums like me.

What kind of little girl was your mum?
1. My mum has always been my mum and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mum need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your Mum marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mum eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mum didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mum doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a clot.
2. Mum. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mum is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between mums & dads?
1. Mums work at work and work at home & dads just go to work at work.
2. Mums know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Mums have magic; they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mum do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mum perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mum, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my Mum smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

With thanks to Denise Nesbitt, who created ABC.We started round 8 of the fascinating meme of ABC. For more interesting ABC posts click on the logo in the sidebar or Here. This week we are looking for words beginning with D.

ABC Wednesday, A for Amazing, Astonishing, Absurd.

A for Amazing, Astonishing, Absurd...

It was a nice and sunny day and everybody in the lawyer’s office was in a good mood. They were cheerfully talking and sipping their coffee, when the door opened and a man entered the office, limping. One of his legs was in a cast, one of his arms was in a sling. He looked a wreck. One of the lawyers got up, put his coffee cup down and said: “ Mr.Brown, I presume!”. The man nodded and spoke with a hoarse voice; “Are you mr. Deed , the lawyer who will give me legal aid and defend my case ?”
“Yes that’s me. Could you tell me what happened?”
“I was attacked , while I was working in an old house, and suddenly this little old lady entered the room and pointed a gun at me. I was so frightened that I ran to the balcony and jumped off it. I broke my leg and an arm”.
Mr. Deed: “What were you doing in the house, are you an electrician or a plumber ?”
Mr. Brown:”No.”
Mr.Deed:”Are you insured?”
Mr. Brown: “No, that’s not possible with the kind of work I do…”
Mr.Deed( looking puzzled):”What time was it ?”
Mr.Brown:”It was two o’clock!”
Mr. Deed:”Ah two o’clock in the afternoon and then…”
Mr.Brown:”No no no…It was two o’clock at night!”
With a look of unbelieve the lawyer answered :”OH… but then you were committing .....burglary??"
MrBrown:” Uh… well yea that’s my job. The fact is that because of that little old lady I haven’t been able to work for many weeks and apart from that I had to pay the doctor and therefore I want her to pay for all my expenses. Besides it’s illegal to possess a gun…. Will you assist me when I take the matter to court?”
Mr.Deed:”Well…okay “
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------At court
Mr. Deed claimed that Mr. Brown lost a lot of money by the action of the little old lady, who was in illegal possession of a gun. The old lady said that she thought she was entitled to defend her house against intruders. True, but not with a gun even if it proved to be unloaded. She should have used…uh… her fists(???) Anyway she lost the lawsuit and was fined… one Euro.(the last part of the story was made up... sorry)


With thanks to Denise Nesbitt, who created ABC.We begin a new round of the fascinating meme of ABC. For more interesting ABC posts click on the logo in the sidebar or Here. This week we are looking for words beginning with A.

Reflections on "The British Character". by Pont

 
 
 

Click to enlarge!

These cartoons were taken from the book " The British Character" by the British cartoonist Pont, who was a collector of clichés in Britain.He was one of the most observant humorous artists of our time. He died at the age of thirty-two. The British Character appeared in book form in 1938 and edition after edition was sold. As I had a horror story two days ago for ABC, I thought it appropriate to continue a bit in that direction and show you these cartoons, which gave me the idea that the British love horror stories!!

This meme was started on 27 September 2009, by James. You can join this meme at some time during the weekend. Just post your photo and go to James to tell him that you are on, or click on the logo in the sidebar.This meme is created for any type of reflection.

Fox Hunt

 

My daughter in Australia sent me this. A good lesson:

REMEMBER WHEN YOU ARE IN DEEP TROUBLE, LOOK STRAIGHT AHEAD,
KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT & SAY NOTHING..

Let's have some fun...

Click to enlarge.

Have you ever been so tired?

This is a joke ! Right?

Poor Mozart would turn in his grave hearing this Queen of the Night in his opera "The Magic Flute".

She should have used her...uh...???

It was a nice sunny day and everybody in the lawyer’s office was in a good mood. They were cheerfully talking and sipping their coffee, when the door opened and a man limping entered the office. One of his legs was in a cast, one of his arms was in a sling. He looked a wreck. One of the lawyers got up, put his coffee cup down and said: “ Mr.Brown, I presume!”. The man nodded and spoke with a hoarse voice; “Are you mr. Deed , the lawyer who will give me legal aid and defend my case ?”
“Yes that’s me. Could you tell me what happened?”
“I was attacked , while I was working in an old house, and suddenly this little old lady entered the room and pointed a gun at me. I was so frightened that I ran to the balcony and jumped off it. I broke my leg and an arm”.
Mr. Deed: “What were you doing in the house, are you an electrician or a plumber ?”
Mr. Brown:”No.”
Mr.Deed:”Are you insured?”
Mr. Brown: “No, that’s not possible with the kind of work I do…”
Mr.Deed( looking puzzled):”What time was it ?”
Mr.Brown:”It was two o’clock!”
Mr. Deed:”Ah two o’clock in the afternoon and then…”
Mr.Brown:”No no no…It was two o’clock at night!”
With a look of unbelieve the lawyer answered :”OH… but then you were committing burglary!
MrBrown:” Uh… well yea that’s my job. The fact is that because of that little old lady I haven’t been able to work for many weeks and apart from that I had to pay the doctor and therefore I want her to pay for all my expenses. Besides it’s illegal to possess a gun…. Will you assist me when I take the matter to court?”
Mr.Deed:”Well…okay “
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------At court
Mr. Deed claimed that Mr. Brown lost a lot of money by the action of the little old lady, who was in illegal possession of a gun. The old lady said that she thought she was entitled to defend her house against intruders. True, but not with a gun even if it proved to be unloaded. She should have used…uh… her fists(???) Anyway she lost the lawsuit and was fined… one Euro.

Welcome aboard..

 

Click to enlarge!

In a month or two I will be on my way to Australia again and I will hear the voice of my captain speaking with that typically Australian accent, which is getting more and more familiar to me!!


All too rarely, Australian airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight 'safety lecture' and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

On an Air NZ Flight with a very 'senior' flight attendant crew, the Pilot said, 'Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.'

On landing the hostess said, 'Please be sure to take all your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have.'

'There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways to leave the aircraft.'

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Auckland, a lone Voice came over the loudspeaker: 'Whoa, big fella. WHOA!'

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Adelaide, a flight attendant on a Qantas flight announced, 'Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as f*** everything has shifted.'

From a Qantas employee: 'Welcome aboard Qantas Flight X to Y. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. '

'In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite.

'Weather at our destination is 32 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Qantas Airlines.'

'Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments. '

Heard on Qantas Airlines just after a very hard landing in Hobart. The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, 'That was quite bump and I know what you are all thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault... it was the asphalt!'

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: 'We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.'

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a 'Thanks for flying United.' He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had got off except for an old lady walking with a cane. She said, 'Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?' 'Why no Ma'am,' said the pilot. 'What is it?'
The little old lady said, 'Did we land or were we shot down?'

After a real crusher of a landing in Sydney, the Flight Attendant came on with, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tyre smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.'

Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: 'We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurised metal tube, we hope you'll think of Qantas.'

A plane was taking off from Mascot Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number XYZ, non-stop from Sydney to Auckland. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - ARGHHH! OH, MY GOD!' Silence followed and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but, while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!'
A passenger in Economy said, 'That's nothing. He should see the back of mine.

Why God made Mums

On Sunday it will be Mothering Sunday in Holland.


Why God made Mums -- Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions
Why did God make mothers?

1. She's the only one who knows where the sticky tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring
3. God made my Mum just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother & not some other Mum?
1. We're related
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mums like me.

What kind of little girl was your mum?
1. My mum has always been my mum and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mum need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your Mum marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mum eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mum didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mum doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a clot.
2. Mum. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mum is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between mums & dads?
1. Mums work at work and work at home & dads just go to work at work.
2. Mums know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Mums have magic; they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mum do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mum perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mum, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my Mum smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.



WHEN YOU STOP LAUGHING SEND IT ON TO OTHER MOTHERS, FUTURE MOTHERS, OR JUST WOMEN IN GENERAL

A Meat Hook???

2008-Apr-29 - The mystery of the handbag
Her Majesty has always a meat hook in her handbag.
Queen Elizabeth of Great Britain celebrated her eighty-second birthday on 21st April. I shall never forget this, for my husband’s birthday was on the 23rd of April. And he too would have been 82.
Well, back to the Queen, she is a member of the most colourful royal family of Europe and apart from the Danish, the oldest family. The Danish Queen Margarethe and the British Queen are descendants of Vikings. William the Conqueror, the ancestor of Queen Elizabeth, was a Viking.
Queen Elizabeth is known to carry always a handbag. But something that not everybody knows, is that she uses the bag to communicate with her staff. They watch her bag carefully. If she places the bag on a table during a cosy tête-à-tête it means: Time to go!
Bag on the floor means: This guest is very boring!
What are the contents of these handbags? This question kept journalists busy for years. Anyway it is said that her handbag contains an S-shaped meat hook to hang her bag on. For the rest it contains articles of personal matter.
Queen Elizabeth cannot do without her handbags. Our Queen Beatrix cannot do without her hats. They are her trade mark. BTW tomorrow we celebrate her birthday. It's a national holiday and everybody is taking part in it.

Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world...

The following were answers provided by 6th graders during a history test. Watch the spelling! Some of the funniest answers are those that are misspelled...


10 .It was an age of great inventions and discoveries.Guttenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.

11 .The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies and hysterectomies all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Julia.

12 . Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote " Donkey Hote." The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote "Paradise Lost". Then his wife died and he wrote "Paradise Regained."

13 . Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backward and declared: A horse divided against itself cannot stand."Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

14 .Abraham Lincoln became Americas greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14th , 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposedly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.

!5 .Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian and half English. He was very large.

16 .Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everybody was calling for him. Beethoven expired in1827 and later died for this.

17 .The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the "Organ of the Species." Madman Curie Discovered the radio. And Karl Marx became the first of the Marx Brothers

Dying, Caesar gasped:"Tee hee, Brutus

Some years ago I got this from one of my students, who got it from a friend of his.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The following were answers provided by 6th graders during a history test. Watch the spelling! Some of the funniest answers are those that are misspelled...


1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics.They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elswhere.

2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

3 Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

4 The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greek also had myths. A myth is a female moth.

5..Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death his career suffered a dramatic decline.

6 In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java.

7 Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be king. Dying, he gasped out "Tee hee, Brutus."

8 Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw.

9.Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen". As a queen she was a success . When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted, "Hurrah!"

The Images of Mother

The Images of Mother
4 YEARS OF AGE My Mummy can do anything!
8 YEARS OF AGE My Mum knows a lot! A whole lot!
12 YEARS OF AGE My Mother doesn't really know quite everything.
14 YEARS OF AGE Naturally, Mother doesn't know that, either!
16 YEARS OF AGE Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned.
18 YEARS OF AGE That old woman? She's way out of date!
25 YEARS OF AGE Well, she might know a little bit about it.
35 YEARS OF AGE Before we decide, let's get Mum's opinion.
45 YEARS OF AGE Wonder what Mum would have thought about it?
65 YEARS OF AGE Wish I could talk it over with Mum
I wish all women a very happy Women's Day tomorrow.

I wish all women A Happy Women's Day!

A surprise for the cat burglar!

 

This is our alarm system. Ingenious, isn't it? And don't forget the sirens!!
( click on the picture to enlarge)

Interesting Stuff.

Interesting Stuff



VERY INTERESTING STUFF ( I got this from my daughter)
In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have 'the rule of thumb'
-------------------------------------------
Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only..Ladies Forbidden'...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
-------------------------------------------
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
-------------------------------------------
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S . Treasury.
-------------------------------------------
Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
-------------------------------------------
Coca-Cola was originally green.
-------------------------------------------
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
-------------------------------------------
The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work:
Alaska
-------------------------------------------
The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...)
-------------------------------------------
The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
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The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $ 16,400
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour:
61,000
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
------------------------------------------------------------------------
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
------------------------------------------------------------------------
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace
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Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
A. Obsession
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter 'A'?
A. One thousand
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Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A. All were invented by women.
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Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey
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Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?
A. Father's Day
------------------------------------------------------------
In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.
When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase...... 'goodnight, sleep tight.'
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It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.
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In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.'
It's where we get the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's'
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Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. 'Wet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by this practice.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!
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Alternative ways to play tennis...

 
 
 

Last night I tried to find an interesting program on TV. We have about 25 channels, among which 14 channels with either Dutch subtitles or Dutch spoken programs.Two of them are Belgian channels and the rest are a mixture of Dutch programs and foreign ones. I often watch BBC 1, 2, 3 and CNN. Believe me or not nearly all channels were dealing with sport. The German channels talked about skiing, the Dutch about football( soccer), then there was news of our skaters, who are doing well. Never mind, I am not interested in sports and there is never a funny sports program.Therefore I took some photos of a prewar book of drawings in which the artist makes a few suggestions, which would have been absolutely interesting to see in real life.

The toilet seat is broken and now we cannot get BBC2

Some light stuff for a weekend!! These are apparently genuine exerpts from letters to local councils.
Council complaints
===============
This is to let you know there is a smell coming from the man next door.

I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall

I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces

Can you please tell me when our repairs are going to be done, as my wife is about to become an expectant mother.

The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared

The person next door has a large erection in his back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

Will you please send someone to mend our broken path. Yesterday my wife tripped and fell on it and now she is pregnant.

Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it?

This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we cannot get BBC2.

I am very annoyed to find that you have branded my son illiterate. This is a dirty lie, as I married a week before he was born.

In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.

I want money as quick as I can get it. I have been in bed with the doctor for two weeks and he doesn't do me any good.
If things don't improve, I will have to send for another doctor.

I am glad that my husband, who is missing, is dead.

Unless I get my husband's money pretty soon, I will be forced to live an immortal life!!

Best positions in bed

Ten Reasons to Like Getting Older......

Reasons to like getting older...( for women)

!.Everyone looks better in candlelight,so standing by your birthday cake will be as good as a fortnight on a health farm.

2,The problem of wrinkles solves itself- as you get more short-sighted, they are harder to see.

3.There is no need to act as though you are ill just because you do not have anything to do on Saturday night.

4. You can always say:" when I was your age...." if you want to annoy someone younger.

5.You came through the break-up of your favourite pop group without needing a shrink.

6. You fall asleep in front of an old film on the TV, because you already know what happens in the end.

7. You fall asleep in front of most new films on TV, because you k now they will not be as good as the old ones anyway.

8. If you are asked to do something energetic, you get out of it by saying you are too old- or you do it and everyone applauds.

9. It is no longer social death to wear the wrong length of skirt.

10. Getting older is quite a lot better than the alternative