Tuesday, 18 August 2009

ABC Wednesday E for English Excerpts




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What shall I now complain about?? Please click to enlarge.

These are apparently genuine excerpts from English letters to local councils. We all know that English is a complicated language and not alone for non-English speakers. I think that we do not need to feel embarrassed if we read these letters of native speakers.

Council complaints ( which one is your favourite?)
===============
1.This is to let you know there is a smell coming from the man next door.

2.I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall

3.I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

4.Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces

5.Can you please tell me when our repairs are going to be done, as my wife is about to become an expectant mother.

6.The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared

7.The person next door has a large erection in his back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

8.Will you please send someone to mend our broken path. Yesterday my wife tripped and fell on it and now she is pregnant.

9.Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it?

10.This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we cannot get BBC2.

11.I am very annoyed to find that you have branded my son illiterate. This is a dirty lie, as I married a week before he was born.

12.In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.

13.I want money as quick as I can get it. I have been in bed with the doctor for two weeks and he doesn't do me any good.
If things don't improve, I will have to send for another doctor.

14.I am glad that my husband, who is missing, is dead.

15.Unless I get my husband's money pretty soon, I will be forced to live an immortal life!!


ABC is created by Denise Nesbitt and a team of experienced bloggers.For more interesting ABC posts click on the logo in the sidebar or Here. This week we are looking for words beginning with E.

54 comments:

James said...

That's funny, but I shouldn't laugh. Because my writing skills are definitely not the best. Oh well lol! :-)

Margaret LaVonne Hall said...

Oh, my favorite is # *...*smile..
So many ties, English is foreign to me when I blog. Sometimes being in a hurry I leave out a whole word~!! Loved this post...

Patty said...

They are all good. But I especially like No. 7 and No.11

Faye Pekas said...

I love it! I'm pretty sure that #7 and #8 must be connected in some way. LOL

Abraham Lincoln said...

People are so simple. Which is one of the problems in our form of government since all citizens are permitted to vote. The simple ones and the educated ones and those in the middle vote. The election before this last one, the simple ones were out in force and elected George W. Bush.

We have giant bullies with AK47s standing in the street shouting down Obama and his proposal for health care screaming it is "socialism" and he doesn't know he is drawing social security which is and Medicare with it the two largest socialized programs in America.

I loved this post. It produced a reaction from me. LOL

gone to the dogs said...

Your e entry made me laugh out loud....but the picture in your header made me cry a little. I still miss my little dog so much and I get teary eyed when I see such a sweet wee thing!

Carol said...

LOL...this is hilarious....I don't think I could pick one...what a great take on the letter E...

Linda Jacobs said...

I'm sitting here cracking up! As an English teacher I can really relate to this post!

Vicki Lane said...

Wonderful, Wil! Those misplaced modifiers will get you every time.

Cloudia said...

LOL! We are funny humans ;-]
Aloha, Wil

Comfort Spiral

gleaner said...

I can't pick one - they are all very funny and I'm still smiling! Thank you.

anthonynorth said...

Well, as a genuine Englishman I can say without doubt that I genuinely loved these :-)

April said...

Nice to laugh at ourselves. I make these grammar errors all the time.

Granny Smith said...

These are hilarious! I suspect that I often make such errors. But who looks at one's own writing as closely as one should?

cherie said...

this is so funny, ms. wil, i can't stop laughing, hahahahah! i'll join the mem in a few...

Vagabonde said...

These are very funny – I really like #13. You know I make these mistakes sometimes, but very fortunately for me, my husband is American and was an English major, so he does correct my English in my posts. I’ll show him your post as he’ll enjoy it a lot I am sure.

Catherine said...

I love these bloopers, they are always hilarious. My mother used to tell me of the (genuine!)letter thanking someone "from the bottom of my heart and my wife's bottom too"! I rest my case - that was a native English speaker too! Mangling of the English language is something I have blogged about on a few occasions as it's one of my pet peeves, this is the lighter side of it! (my posts are http://deise-dispatches.blogspot.com/2009/03/spell-check-and-grammar-night-classes.html and http://deise-dispatches.blogspot.com/2009/05/more-crimes-on-grammar-and-lismore.html if you want to check them out for a laugh!
Thanks for sharing these ones.
Catherine.

Rinkly Rimes said...

Love them! I have to say the erection one is my favourite but that probably says more about me than the quotes!

Babli said...

I liked your blog very much.I appreciate for your wonderful post.You are welcome in my blogs.

Sistertex said...

A unique approach for 'E'. I loved reading it and can't pick 'just one' as a favorite!

Hildred and Charles said...

Marvelous, thank you for the smiles and chuckles.

Tumblewords: said...

I love these - Still laughing - while understanding that I could not write anything nearly as smart in another language!

photowannabe said...

I think I have been guilty of sending mixed messages too. Pretty funny Wil. Thanks for sharing. Its hard to pick a favorite saying.

Ann said...

Number 7, tell his doctor to stop his Viagara. he doesn't need it. LOL

Grace and Bradley said...

Well, they tell the real stories of what happen in British households!!!

Glennis said...

All are great, can't pick a favorite

Jay said...

Hahahahahaahahaha!! Nos. 7, 10, and 13 are my favourites. What does that say about me, I wonder? LOL!

JoAnn's-D-Eyes said...

Hi Wil,
I like yor 'é excepts 'also your explanation for that, see my France pic's you might like them

Bye greetings from JoAnn/Holland

Miss_Yves said...

Je préfère les lettres n7,(Comme d'autres lecteurs!) 12, 13!
Je suis d'accord avec Granny Smith, et le commentaire d'Ann m'a amusée aussi!
Ce répertoire de lettres maladroites existe aussi en France . Nous pourrions appeler cela "un bêtisier"
Au sujet de Bricqueville, j'ai ajouté quelque chose sur mon blog.
Excusez ce minimum d'informations, il s'agissait d'une programmation automatique pendant mes vacances avec quelques liens...en Français.
Actuellement, je n'ai pas le temps de continuer ABC Wednesday, peut-être plus tard ...

lv2scpbk said...

Good post.

Roger Owen Green said...

What a hoot. Yes, #7 & #8 have definitely been commingling.

Arkansas Patti said...

I am so glad I am not trying to learn English, it is such a confusing language. Am afraid if I were just now learning, I would just resort to grunts and pointing.
#6 and #9 tickled me the most.

JennyMac said...

LOL...love this. Especially #11...bless her heart as we say in the South.

nonizamboni said...

Oh, my, Wil! You had me rolling off my desk chair. These are the best I've read. Who could choose only one?!!
Happy WEdnesday

Susan M DeAngelis said...

Love this Blog -- have to follow it.

#4 is my fav -- toilet seat in half, now 3 pieces.

English... easy to learn, difficult to perfect
:)
Sue

Renie Burghardt said...

Okay, Wil, I was just taking a sip of coffee, when I was reading here. Guess what happened to my coffee? Laughing can do some bad things with coffe in the mouth! Hahaha. Hilarious stuff!

Happy Wednesday! Or is it Thursday already in your part of the world? Then, Happy Thursday.

Huggies,

Renie

Q said...

These are so funny!
Creative E post.
Thanks for the morning laugh.
Sherry

Life with Kaishon said...

How funny is that : ) I hope those twins in the envelope have survived! : )

Janie said...

Very funny! However, I can sympathize with the misuse since English is a difficult language.
I can just imagine the funny statements I would make if I tried to speak in another language... and the unintentional funny statements I sometimes make in English, my first language!

Janice Thomson said...

This was hilarious Wil! What a good choice for ABC Wednesday. You brought a smile to many faces today.

Your EG Tour Guide said...

These are indeed funny! I hope I haven't written anything THIS bad but I must admit I sometimes I discover some hilarious errors of my own. Strange how our minds work and then translate onto paper (or onto our blogs). ;-)

taku said...

Well, they are difficult for me.
However, some can be understood.

Etje said...

Heb gewacht tot het wat frisser is om binnen te komen, daarom kom ik je nu pas een fijne dag wensen.

Anya said...

Hoe was het in uw woonplaats vandaag (Ik zal de naam wel niet noemen hihihi....)
Bij ons was het 37gr niet meer normaal ik heb dat nog nooit meegemaakt zo warm pffff......
Ik hoop dat we kunnen slapen met die hitte ;))
groetjes van ons ...

Anya said...

Neeeeeeeeee hij houd niet van douchen als ik het water aanzet rent hij heel hard weg hihihi...
Hij snuffelt altijd aan t putje :)
Hier is t een beetje afgekoeld !!!
Hier is niet veel regen gevallen maar een paar druppels.
Ik had wel slecht geslapen door de warmte die boven in t huis hangt.
Fijn weekend :)

Brenda said...

Oh my gosh....I laughed until tears came. Especially 7 and 8. Thanks for the belly laugh Wil!

Pam said...

Great post Wil..loved them all!

Anya said...

Hi
Als U een heeeeeel apart filmpje wilt zien moet u ff op mijn blog komen kijken,
ik heb een kat die echt piano speelt ;)
Was gisteren op de TV,
misschien heeft U het al gezien !!
Ik zag het later op YouTube staan.
Fijn weekend
Anya :)

flyingstars said...

hilarious one....nice reading...i like the second & the third!

Etje said...

Kom je een fijne zondag wensen

Dina said...

Just incredible and so funny!

In my Translation Studies courses we made collections like these, too.

Not sure why your post reminds me, but Father Adam, a Carmelite monk, titled his post today "Naked ladies." Really. Check it out, you'll like it:
http://monasterydailyphoto.blogspot.com/

Carol @ TheWritersPorch said...

There are all great but # 7 is outrageous!! :)

Lorac said...

I had a good chuckle at these! #7 and #14 are the ones I like best!

Nishant said...

English is foreign to me when I blog. Sometimes being in a hurry I leave out a whole word~!! Loved this post...
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