This too is part of My World.
Last week Sunday November,2nd was the anniversary of my father's death in 1959. My husband,my partner and friend, died on 9th November and was buried on 12th November 1999. This Saturday I went to the cemetry to tidy up the plants on his grave. Last year I took some photos of the rock with his name on it. It's a rock from a glacier in Scandinavia, where we always went for our holidays.
I am happy to have been married to this loving and caring man. I miss him terribly and in the beginning the evenings and weekends were very lonely.
He was always there when I came home from my work, which was in the evenings from 7 till 9. I taught English to adults. I came home at about 10 o'clock. He always made me a cup of tea and asked about the lessons. Nothing much, but we shared our thoughts and experiences. He told about the things which were important on the telly and in the newspaper. When I come home now it's an empty place, no living soul......even my pets are dead.
My husband died alone. He was in coma,but I should have been with him. Instead I was on the phone, for my daughter's mother-in-law rang me. She didn't know that it was after midnight here in Holland. She cried and so did I. When I came upstairs I saw that my husband had gone. I called my Australian daughter, who was staying with her children at my place. We rang my other daughter who lived in another place, and we rang the doctor. Lateron the undertaker came and asked if we wanted my husband staying at home. We said:" yes, we want him here until the funeral"Lateron the undertaker came and showed us some mourning cards. We had the text ready. It was a verse of a hymn, a saying of my then three-year old grandson:"The stars are crying and the moon is coming down..", and an Aboriginal poem.
All the rest of the weeks we had visitors offering their condolences. We had a cup of coffee and told about the past year, when we knew that he was going to die.
He himself didn't want to talk about his approaching death, and that was very, very difficult...
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36 comments:
Sorry to hear of your losses. It has always intrigued me how the same time of year can hold some many different meanings for different people. I realize it is because we all experience different things but I am still fascinated by it. We just celebrated the birthday of my youngest, who just turned one. This time of year is such a happy time for me and my family (we had parties three weekends in a row and two of them were for my boys). I do understand the loss is always with you, I have lost my favorite uncle, my grandmother and my great-grandmother. I know these do not have the same closeness as your losses but even knowing their time is coming to an end here on earth as the case was for my grandmothers it does not lessen the loss. My prayers are with you as these anniversaries have come around. God Bless.
November has some sad memories for you, but I know you also have good memories.
My Father died Nov. 27, 2003. I know this sounds terrible, but I wasn't close to my Father. I grew up seeing how he treated my Mother and I guess I never forgave him. I can remember at his funeral looking at his small body in his coffin and thinking how could all of us been so afraid of him all those years. He wasn't a big man, but he had a loud bark. And when his mind was working he also loved women.
Oh, Wil, thank you for sharing such a heartfelt post full of goodbyes and memories. Those little things like the cup of tea and conversation at the end of the day with your best friend are indeed priceless. Anniversaries are tough and you'll be on my mind. . .sending a hug your way.
Mary Ann
I hear a little feling of guilt that you were not at his side at the end. Your guardian angels organized it that way because it was time for him to go, but while you were there he felt bound to stay. Be grateful he could leave in peace.
A lovely idea with the glacial rock headstone.
To-morrow, the 12th., we will celebrate my mother's life who, had she still lived, would have had her 110th birthday. Both my daughter's, and son's families honour this day because she was so dear to us. We bake her special recepies. We will coarsely grind some wheat and bake her special 'quick' yeast bread. Not a day passes on the farm without her name being mentioned. My grandchildren, who were born after her death, bring a clutch of eggs from the hen house and say 'look they are still warm, how Oma would have loved them'. She lives on in our loving memories as does your husband and your father.
Incredible post. I can hear the love in your words about your family!
Thank you for sharing.
God Bless you and your family!
Take care
The stone is beautiful.
I am sorry about your losses. I hope you do not feel guilty for not being there. Sometimes things can't be helped. It sounds like you were there almost all the time. I'm sure he understood, even in his coma.
Wil,
I'm glad you are also remembering the good part too, all the time you had with your father and husband. They both must have been wonderful men!
I am sorry that you have had such deep losses. They are a part of our world and I think it's healthy to acknowledge the losses as well as the happier times. That's a beautiful rock in your husband's memory and so great that it's from somewhere you enjoyed together at holidays.
This is such a personal post I felt like an intruder reading it. our loss was compounded by misguided feeling of guilt and more than one person. A adnire you for sharing such a personal my world, and wish you good thoughts around this painful time.
Good of you to share this with us, Wil. Love to you from all of us, your big blogger family.
November is a sad month for you. I'm sure you have learned to live without them, because you had to, but I still wish you peace.
My father was holding on for dear life for a long time. And my mother was at his bedside all the time. The one time that my brother volunteered to sit with him overnight---mother needed some sleep in her bed---dad chose that time to go home to his maker. My mother was inconsolable for a long time.
What I learned from my father's death was that no one gets over a loved ones death, one only learns to live without them.
Thanks.
Such a heart felt memories, but dont forget your husband and pets are always with you - in your heart,in your head, and all around you.
You have shared such a personal part of your world with us. I'm so sorry for your losses.
The gravesite is beautiful and the glacier rock a fitting reminder of your time together.
Many blessings.
Such a sad, but heartwarming story of your husband and the love you shared. Thank you for sharing and I hope in doing so it eases some of the pain that you still feel. Losing those we love leaves such a hole in our lives. We all have different memories of family members that are gone now, some good and some not good -- yours are some of the good ones and you can be thankful for that.
It is always sad when we loose one of our loved ones in death. Loving one another in life is so important, because we never know when we will be left alone. Your husband knew he was loved and that is what was important.
My mother died on November 18, 1984. I miss her still, but realize if she were alive she would be 103 years old. But she is always here with me in my heart, and memories. As I am sure that your husband and father are also in your heart and memories as well.
Thank you all for your very comforting words. It's good to commemorate the dead, but we have to go on and we can. Death is part of our lives, therefore I talk about it. Most times I talk about other things,but with Remembrance Day we have to think of our own losses. Thank you all!
So sorry to hear of your losses. It's important to remember the good times, the happy times. We lost our son (age 3mths) this coming Dec. it will be 4 years. With each passing day it gets easier but that pain never goes away. My heart goes out to you. What a sweet post. Thank you for sharing.
Your post is heartrending, and your loss echoes through it. I am sorry for your pain, and wish you may find comfort along with all those who mourn.
This post makes me teary eyed. I'm so sorry for your losses. It's not easy to lost someone you love the most. I know. And thanks for sharing this very important memories in your life. Bless your heart and Cyber hugs!
Posted mine, HERE. Have a great day!
My thoughts are with you, Wil. Your post is a lovely tribute to your husband. Thanks for sharing these intimate thoughts with us.
Thank you for sharing your sorrow. Part of 'sharing our world' is the bad as well as the good and your post is a reminder to cherish the good. {{HUGS}}
Hello Wil
Death is very personal experience and for some of us a hard thing to talk about.
Thank you for sharing your memories.
Take care
Cathy
What a moving and heartfelt post, that I thank you for sharing with us. I am sorry for your losses and can tell you had a wonderful marriage, by the way you write about your sad loss
So sorry for your loss but glad that you were able to share your story with us. I love the verse from the hymn. Very beautiful.
Oh i am so sorry of your loss, what a beautiful saying that your grandson had. Death is never easy, for those that pass, but always worse for those left behind. I hope that someday you will not be lonely. I am sure he would not want you to be.
Having just lost my father a month ago I can certainly relate to this. As you say though life must go on and one thing we really learn is to appreciate every single moment. May the good memories always be with you.
*hugs* Thank you for sharing. I can't imagine loosing someone I shared so much with.
I can't find enough words to comfort you. It's good that you put the stone to his grave because it reminds of something that you both shared and it will be always a piece of you with him. I can't even imagine my life without my husband. It must be very hard to deal with. I'm so sorry you feel alone when you come home. I wish we - your blog friends- can keep you some company.
how heartbreaking but like you said this is a part of your world (when honest its a part of all of our worlds) I love the stone and the memories it envokes for you and it is quite simply beautiful.
Awesome verse it says more than the words ever could.
Big hugs and Happy veterans day (USA)
The other day I saw a documentary about how to deal with death. Not so long ago it was considered to be "not done"and people who lost somebody were not allowed to speak about it. Now we discover that talking is part of the mourning process. We don't need to do it often but once a year is certainly not too much. The children and I often talk about the funny things we did and my husband said. That's nice and we have to laugh about it.
Je bericht heeft me terecht ontroerd. Het is steeds moeilijk afscheid te nemen van een dierbare. Maar het leven gaat verder en onze goede herinneringen kan niemand ons ontnemen.
Hi Dirk, ik probeer je te antwoorden op je weblog, maar krijg steeds een seniorennet. Het spijt me. In iedergeval bedankt.
This was truly a sad post and my heart just goes out to you! I agree with Arija, your husband probably could leave because you were not right there at that moment, longing for him to stay, and it was easier for him. I've heard of that happening to a lot of people, and the loved one always feels so guilty, but I think that may be the answer...
Your times sharing a cup of tea after work were so priceless. My dear friend lost her husband two years ago, and the two of them always started their morning with a pot of properly brewed tea that they sat on a hotpad I made her that had cloves in it, so the warmth would release that aroma (I was so honored!) She told me after he died, it was so hard, longing for him to be across the table from her again, sharing their tea. God bless you and keep you in the months and years to come...
And, I loved the stone you have for his headstone! What a perfect tribute to his life, and your time together!
Marie
I love those words.."the stars are crying and the moon is coming down...". My father's birthday was on Nov. 7, so I always think about him on that day (died in 1984) I always liked the words: "To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die". We hold all our loved ones close in our hearts and minds always.
It is so very difficult to lose someone that you love so much, but it is very good to remember, and to share the memories as you have done. I wish you peace.
It is never too easy to speak about someone you love in the past tense.
Nevertheless, his memory is never forgotten, as you get to share and remember how wonderful it was when you were together. Take care!
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