The toilet seat is broken and now we cannot get BBC2

Some light stuff for a weekend!! These are apparently genuine exerpts from letters to local councils.
Council complaints
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This is to let you know there is a smell coming from the man next door.

I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall

I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces

Can you please tell me when our repairs are going to be done, as my wife is about to become an expectant mother.

The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared

The person next door has a large erection in his back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

Will you please send someone to mend our broken path. Yesterday my wife tripped and fell on it and now she is pregnant.

Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it?

This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we cannot get BBC2.

I am very annoyed to find that you have branded my son illiterate. This is a dirty lie, as I married a week before he was born.

In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.

I want money as quick as I can get it. I have been in bed with the doctor for two weeks and he doesn't do me any good.
If things don't improve, I will have to send for another doctor.

I am glad that my husband, who is missing, is dead.

Unless I get my husband's money pretty soon, I will be forced to live an immortal life!!